Give me Meaning
by LuchaDoRa
Summary: There is meaning to all life. Whether it is the tiniest ant you hold the magnifying glass above or the suicidal teenager next door, all life holds meaning. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes you realize it when you're about to die yourself. Some people kill others to find their own purpose in this world. What does it matter if they are already dead? *LeonxHelena fanfiction*
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Leon sighed. There was nothing left to do. Everyday felt the same since the Tall Oaks and China incidents passed. It felt like an endless cycle on repeat. The reason it felt so boring was because it felt so … normal. He was practically living a normal life, something he always wanted but now, he felt like a part of him was missing in China. Now he had the chance to pick up where he left off from before Racoon but it didn't feel right. A normal life just wasn't for him. He had grown so accustomed to being alert and on the edge that relaxing and having lazy days felt like he was going to be attacked any second if he sat down for a moment.

Leon served the Secret Services for many years now. A regular desk job was pointless. It was definitely a complete waste of his talents. He pondered on whether or not to join the local police force, but he realized he would probably end up shooting half the criminals down instead of bringing them into custody. Criminals would only get on Leon's nerves anyway, along with the chief of the force. That was the good thing about field work in the Secret Service; you were your own boss. Well, as long as you stuck with your partner.

His mind came to a complete stop. **His partner.** It had been at least three months since they last saw each other and he hoped Helena was doing okay. The last time they spoke was on the phone, and she wasn't doing too well from her sister's death. That was two weeks ago. Leon was a lot stronger than Helena was and since he had no family concerns the only thing he had to worry about during the Tall Oaks and China was Helena. And himself, of course. During their time together as partners he found an unexplainable concern for her wellbeing. He was always watching out for her, sometimes more than himself, and constantly helping her survive through the trauma. The only time he could remember being so concerned for someone was for… no, he wasn't going to think about **her.** 15 damn years of longing and he couldn't let go.

Leon needed a break from the tedious routine. He stood from his sofa and left his apartment, locking the door behind him. When he got outside the cold hit him and he jumped in his car and drove off. He needed to pay someone a much needed visit.

When he got out of the car he locked his door and heard the familiar beep behind him. The sharp winter wind bit at him and he quickly walked toward the building. Wiping his feet on the outdoor doormat, he stood at the door and pushed the intercom.

"Can I help you?" the distorted voice came from the speaker.

"Erm, a visit for Helena Harper?" he said nervously. He waited for the door to open, but it didn't.

"Hello, can I help you?" the voice came again, this time annoyed. His face scrunched up from confusion.

"A visit for Helena Harper." He said more firmly and loudly into the speaker.

"Is anyone there? Stupid kids." The voice said as the static cut off.

"Hello, I'm here! This is Leon coming for a visit to Helena!" she shouted angrily into the stupid thing. He was so busy shouting into the intercom, he didn't hear the giggle come from the old lady behind him.

He turned to face her with an angry look on his face. She smiled almost smugly and pressed the intercom. Unlike Leon, she also pressed the communication button on the side of the box.

"This is Madge and a visitor for Helena." She said into the speaker.

"Good afternoon, Madge! I'll get the door for you. And it's the third floor for Helena Harper." As the voice buzzed from the box, she smiled at shook her head at Leon. Leon could only bow his head and smile at his own stupidity.

"Well, I'm no tech genius, young man, but I know the basics." She shook her head again.

"I'm not much of a tech genius either, and I've just proved that."

"You must know more than I do, at least." She laughed.

"Shall I help with your bags?" he offered politely.

"I'll manage. I don't want to cause you too much trouble taking me all the way up to the third floor." she replied.

"I'm going up to the third floor. Please let me help you." He grabbed her carrier bags.

"Well, alright then, if it's fine with you. I think it's very silly, putting an old helpless woman like me up on the third floor." he nodded along to her ramblings, not really paying much attention.

"Oh, I know now. Helena Harper." She spoke out randomly as they climbed the flight of stairs. Helena's name brought Leon back to reality from his daydream.

"What about her?"

"She's the sweet one from across the hall. She's a very nice young woman." She complimented.

"Yes, I know. She's my partner." He informed her. Madge peered over her glasses at him for a few seconds and nodded her head.

"A very nice catch." She commented. Leon realized she took it as the other meaning of partner, but he didn't bother to correct her. Something in his chest fluttered, and he felt somewhat proud that she thought them a good couple. He shook his pointless thoughts away as they arrived at her door.

"Thank you, young man. Helena lives just there." she pointed to the door across from hers.

"Have a good day." He said as she closed the door. He sighed and knocked on Helena's door labelled 203A.

End of chapter 1

*A/N* I'm really not feeling it flow and this is the first fricking chapter. I'm so bombarded with coursework that I don't have time to write big, long, quality pieces of writing like I used to. Oh well, enjoy it anyway, and my writing WILL get better or I will shoot myself. You have my word;)*


	2. Chapter 2

Give me Meaning 2

Chapter 2

The click of the lock and rattle of the chain was followed by the door opening. A pale forehead poked out from behind the door.

"Hi, Helena." Leon smiled.

"Oh, it's you Leon." Helena breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door wider. Leon frowned at her strange behaviour.

"Were you expecting someone else?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I just… never mind. Come in." she welcomed him in. He slowly walked in as he surveyed her apartment. It hadn't changed since the last time he saw it over 3 months ago, but it was messy and things were scattered everywhere. Strange, Helena was an organised person, if not a perfectionist.

"Sorry about the mess. I haven't had a chance to clean up properly." She said as if she was reading his mind. "Sit down; I'll get you a drink. Pop or juice?"

"Juice, please. Apple if you have any." Leon answered as he made himself comfy on the couch. Helena brought it in and sat on the chair opposite him.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Alright, but just having some trouble sleeping." Her hand went up to rub her eye, and Leon caught sight of the purple eye-bags.

"Night-mares?" he questioned. She looked at the floor. "It's about Deborah, isn't it?"

"So what brings you here after so long?" she changed the subject. Leon frowned at her, but answered anyway. He knew Deborah was still too painful for Helena to talk about, so he left it at that.

"Well, we haven't seen each other since ages, so I thought I'd come down and see how you're doing. You are okay, right?"

Helena nodded. Leon frowned again; he knew it was a lie. He thought meeting Helena would brighten both their spirits, but she seemed so different. This wasn't the Helena he knew. As he waited for her door to open, he imagined lots of different scenarios, with Helena being pleasantly surprised at his visit and maybe they would go out together and have a catch-up, but by the looks of things, nothing of the sort was going to happen. Helena looked even worse than what she sounded like two weeks ago on the phone, and Leon felt like a horrible friend for not visiting her sooner.

"It's getting late Leon, are you okay staying this long?" Helena asked. Leon opened his mouth to ask what on earth she was talking about, since it was 3 in the afternoon, when he realized why she said it. _She wanted him to leave._ Instead he closed his mouth and stared deep into her orbs. Nothing but pain was reflected back at him. She couldn't hold his gaze for long and kept shifting her eyes.

'If she wants to be alone, then there's nothing I can do.' Leon thought to himself. He stood from his chair and made a swift exit to the front door. "You're right, Helena. I've been spending** way **too much time with you and I better leave." His voice dripped with sarcasm and Helena winced at his furious tone that he didn't even bother to hold back. He slammed the door on his way out and marched down the hall and stairs with heavy feet. He was fuming. He thought that surprising Helena would make her smile but she made it clear she didn't need his concern. And that he didn't need to care for her either.

End of chapter 2


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